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Submission is Healthy for Marriage

Debbie D.
Feb 19
3 min read

By Debbie Decker

Marriage has always been important to God. The first wedding took place in the Garden of Eden between Adam and Eve (Genesis 2:22–24). Jesus performed his first miracle at a wedding in Cana (John 2:1-11), and the last wedding will be celebrated in heaven when Jesus (the Bridegroom) weds his Bride (the Church) in Revelation 19:6–8.

So Why Does Marriage Feel Irrelevant Today?

Throughout all history, marriage has been perverted and dismissed. In the United States, marriage was once a respectable institution that the majority upheld for two centuries. So, what happened?

Everything on earth has been tainted by sin, but sex and marriage are two of Satan’s biggest targets because God intended the intimate relationship between a husband and wife to reflect His intimate relationship between Jesus and the Church.

God is oneness: three persons in one God (Father, Son and Holy Spirit). Therefore, God designed marriage to reflect the divine nature of His eternal oneness.

God created sexual intimacy as a way for married couples to “be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth” (Genesis 1:28). He declared that “a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24). Jesus reinforces God’s vision of oneness in marriage between a man and woman in Matthew 19:6: “So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”

God is holy, meaning “exalted or worthy of complete devotion.” When God joins a man and woman together in holy matrimony, he sets them apart for each other, and they are dedicated or consecrated to Him.

Submission is NOT Dominance, but Order

The word submit has become a curse word to many because historically, it has been used out of context in order to manipulate, control and abuse. But in context, everyone is called to submit to each other.

My husband was orphaned at five and raised in a Baptist children’s home with strict rules and severe punishment. He submitted out of fear. My father was a gambling addict and my mother was a docile codependent. As I watched her submit to a selfish, demanding husband, I vowed in my heart that no man would ever control me.

When my husband and I first met, we were both addicted to drugs. We lived together for two years and encountered many challenges. After marrying, we eventually surrendered our lives to Jesus as Savior and Lord. He delivered us from drugs and introduced us to a new way of living.

We began counsel through the church to help us uncover layers of buried pain. Through this process we encountered the idea of submission. I had been in control of our marriage relationship, and my husband was happy to comply. Our dysfunction in that area worked, but it was not God’s design. We also submitted to the leadership of our counselors during the long process of tearing down our old foundation and building it upon the solid Rock of Christ.

As we grew in knowledge of God’s Word and our relationship with Jesus, we were able to release control of our lives and marriage to Him. Yes, it was hard! But the more we submitted, the more we made progress. We were finally able to completely trust each other because we both submitted to Jesus.

Godly submission is difficult because (as prideful people) we think it is passive or weak. But it takes more strength to submit than to fight for our own way. When we say Jesus is Lord, we are called to fully submit to him.

As Paul describes the role of a wife and husband, he also relates how those actions relate to Christ and the church. How does a husband love his wife as Christ loved the church? Jesus died for his Bride. If a wife knows her husband will love and protect her to the point of death, it’s much easier for her to submit to her husband. If her husband is submitted to Jesus, she knows he will lovingly care for her; in return, she will respectfully submit to him.

Bottom line, everyone is called to submit to someone.

Even Jesus submitted himself to the Cross. Thus, submission is not a dirty word; it comes from the Word.